Starting the Process

"I might have to wait. I'll never give up. I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck. Wherever you are, whenever it's right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life." ~ Michael Buble

I've named this blog Journey to Mommy-hood, because so far it has been 2 years of trying with no positive results on the stick! I think that each time I took a test and it showed "negative" I tried to lie to myself that it was OK. Until a month ago I was able to deal with the fact that I probably would not be able to do this the ol' fashion way and would need to see a doctor. Actually, a year ago we saw my GYN and she suggested Jamil get a semen anaysis (but he has a son already and I know its not him) and then I would start fertility medication. Well, I still deep down thought we would be able to accomplish this on our own with no help from a doctor. Fast forward to March, I force myself to get up in the mornings, I avoid facebook because I don't want to see another friend say they're pregnant, I can't control having crying outbursts, and I don't want my husband to touch me. At first I thought it could be seasonal depression, but my mind always wandered to the sounds of cooing and the smell of a baby.
For years I have tried to get answers to why my menstral cycle was so irregular, but always was put on a different birth control to regulate it. But what happens now that I'm married and want to start a family, you certainly can't take BC and try for a baby too?! So Monday, I called Piedmont Reproductive and scheduled a consultation for next Wednesday. I am so ready for next week to get here, but so scared at what I'm getting myself into. I've been reading forums, blogs of other women going through this, calling the insurance company about coverage, picking Jamils brain, and probably talking my moms head off. I feel as though, I should not be fixated so much on this because it could be a simple fix, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Yesterday evening a quote kept singing in my head, " If God Brings You To It, He Will See You Through It", and I guess that was my wake up call to put it in his hands! He's blessed my marriage so much already, why wouldn't he want to get me through this struggle too.
I'm sorry this post is so long and probably drawn out, but that will keep any and all followers up to speed on where we are coming from.